Five dates and no kiss?

When is the appropriate time for your first kiss with a new date? This can be cultural in some cases, but in other cases there should be a general rule, right? I’ll answer that later.

I have been in a situation where after date number five there was still no real sign that the girl liked me, other than agreeing to go on additional dates. At one point I was left wondering whether she was just going through a cost-cutting exercise and was willing to sit with me to get a free meal. Not only was there no kiss, but no touching, hair flicking, or any real signs of flirting or emotion. In that one scenario I ended up sending a ‘ball in your court’ text. I told her that if she wanted to see me again, she would have to contact me, as it seemed like she wasn’t into me. She immediately replied, rebuking my claims, and on the next date, we kissed!

There’s no problem with taking it slow, it should be encouraged for those wanting a solid relationship. Just be careful that you’re not too cold though. In this world of ephemeral dating, people come and go so quickly that you may need to show some heightened interest after at least a few dates. I don’t think there’s a rule about when to kiss, I just think there’s a natural process of showing someone you are into them.

After a couple of dates, if you don’t want to kiss at the end but you are still interested, maybe a kiss on the cheek with a lingering embrace will do the trick. But everyone is different, some people are reserved and shy, some are confident and want to jump in. One thing is for sure though, as we all get more practice in dating, we’ll experience all types of eagerness and lack-there-of.

This brief story shows that even if you’re not picking up on the vibes at all, the person may still be interested. However, in most cases if you’re not picking up on the signs (arm touching, hair flicking, laughing, eyelash batting, acting coy) then there’s probably nothing there. The point is, if you like someone but don’t feel any progress after several dates, there’s no harm in ‘leaving the ball in their court’. Because if they aren’t into you, the outcome will be the same.   

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