Can you make international love work?

Is it viable? Can it work? In this global village that we live in, with dating apps, Facebook, Instagram, and dozens of other platforms to connect people from even the least known places around the world, there is always the prospect of falling in love with someone from overseas. But can long distance relationships work?

I feel somewhat of an aficionado on this topic, having been down this path at least 5 times. So let’s start with the pros. Regardless of how you met, whether online, or in person, perhaps on a holiday or business trip, you both caught feelings and were eventually back in your corresponding homes texting each other from an insurmountable distance. This is the time that the relationship can blossom as absence makes the heart grow fonder. And here exists the nexus. You can’t see them in person, so you want them more. At the same time your commitment is merely a few daily texts, which reduces on the weekend because you’re out with your friends. What a perfect relationship!

There’s no responsibility and no real commitment… as you plan your next holiday with them. It’s very romantic, you will fly to a far-away destination to be with your exotic lover. But in the meantime, you’re free as a bird. You see this is a very comfortable place to be. You have a love interest, they are interested in you, there’s the romance of an impending exotic holiday, yet there’s no day-to-day responsibility of managing an actual relationship. Pretty cool?

So now the cons. Eventually you do meet up, and as promised it’s an amazing whirlwind dalliance of sex, sun, cocktails, and culinary delights. It’s a snapshot of a relationship that can’t possibly be lived up to as a long term committed, living together relationship. But that’s not exactly a con… yet. The downside is when you leave that holiday, and your partner asks, “what now”? There’s an empty feeling as you fly away and consider your options. Am I in love? You ask yourself, maybe we should keep trying.

Let me fast forward here, …even if you do meet up again for another stop-gap holiday, eventually you will have to decide whether you can actually deal with importing this human, or vice-versa, consider leaving your life behind and learning a new language. Think, hours filling in visa applications, thousands of dollars on flights, language barriers, mother in-laws, stressing about future employment opportunities, new friends, home sickness, … the list of things that can cause issue is endless and overwhelming.

Basically, you need to be head over heels in love to go through with a relocation, and I’m just issuing a caution. The tension built up during months apart may masquerade as love, but not actually be love. So, what’s the verdict? International love, amazing for an experiential exotic romance, but can leave you feeling a little sad and empty if both people aren’t totally in love.

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